Tea
by thatonegreenpencil
Summary: The last time she meets Kyoko, she's offered a box of pocky. The first time she meets Kyoko, she's offered a cup of tea. (Homura-centric, no pairings intended)


A/N: This is off an inference that, in the second timeline, Mami died before Walpurgis night and Kyoko came back to Mitakihara but left soon after.

Though it may seem like things are based around Kyoko and Homura's relationship, I wrote it intending for it to be a character study of Homura. With this in mind, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

The first time Homura meets Kyoko, it's in a darkened apartment, barely grasping the traces of the life that once resided there, the one with the golden locks and soft smile, the one with the shell of a personality, merely hiding the insecurities tucked away inside.

But this knowledge isn't hers, yet, because this is only her first trial run and innocence still blooms within her, untouched. Her mind is still full of nonsense heroism and bravery, and the idea that this will all go well, will end soon. Very very soon. She's taking this seriously, of course, because this is her friend she's talking about and she made this wish for her first friend and she would do anything to save her.

This doesn't change the fact that her thinking hasn't faced reality so really, she's still a child, and children are allowed to believe the world has a sense of morality.

The first time Homura meets Kyoko, she is sat down and offered tea by a red-haired girl with a somber smile.

The girl talks while she pours, fragile china clinking gently with each movement of her hand. "She was my teacher, ya know?" Kyoko says as puffs of steam lazily rise from both teacups. "In everything. Tea, too. Hope you like it."

Homura smiles from behind the glasses perched on her face and takes a tentative sip. The fragrance flows into her nose when she tips the glass. The drink tastes like it smells- jasmine. Sweet and warm and just what she needed to flood away the awful images of a few days ago.

_Mami stumbling and colors flashing everywhere blinding the three of them and stealing away the precious couple seconds they could've had to stop everything from going terribly wrong and the witch snapping out from underneath the blond as she falls and Madoka crying an endless stream of tears right after the creature explodes by a bomb that was placed a couple moments too late and wails of 'what are we going to do...?'_

"Listen,"

Kyoko leans back, head pointed to the ceiling with an expression that indicates she's not all there. "I don't know who you are. I'm guessing you're connected with Mami in a way that I can probably guess, since you knew she was dead. But I'm not going to say anything." Kyoko's voice seems to falter, wobbling on the verge of a line the girl doesn't seem to want to cross. "I'm not going to say anything because it'll just end up in a fight, probably, with me accusing you of things that you might've done and... she wouldn't have wanted..."

Kyoko blinks rapidly, and corrects herself. "Mami wouldn't have wanted that."

Homura nods.

* * *

The next time Kyoko offers her tea is in a dusty hotel room, right after a particularly rough battle with a witch. She almost refuses _(Mami dead a week before, two weeks until Walpurgis Night and she's still preparing because she's trying to keep everyone alive before then even though Sayaka doesn't trust her and Madoka wants to but can't, and she can't bear to see the flick of shadows in those glowing, pink eyes whenever they settle on her),_ but she's slightly worried about her own energy so she accepts. Though her stamina's certainly improved over the last few trials, she can only barely keep up with everyone else in the group.

"Thank you," she says, cupping the dirtied glass in her hands. Kyoko grins.

"Cheers to us. Found a pack of jasmine in the lobby- I'm sure they won't miss it."

It feels like wood on her tongue and tastes like plastic- Homura can barely choke it down but she does, and even adds a little smile at the end. Ruby eyes peer at her curiously. Calculating _something_, but whatever it is, it can't be that bad since Kyoko seems to be the only person in their witch-hunting group of four that fully trusts her.

"You okay?"

_(She's a bit tired of this whole trial-and-error thing because last time she saw Madoka flattened by a building and she drew blood on her palms from digging her nails into her skin while she turned the trigger, promising herself she wouldn't mess up this time or ever again and she has to resist double checking her supply of guns that still don't fire as well as she wants them to she wants to save everyone but guns just don't cut it)_

Kyoko stares at her some more. "You always seemed to be worried. Is it because of Walpurgis? We'll be fine. We're well prepared now."

Homura nods.

Both she and Sayaka die the following week and Madoka crouches over their corpses with dead eyes but she still finds the hope to give Homura a reassuring smile and that small smile gives Homura the strength to put it all behind her. They train vigorously over the final days and face Walpurgis head on.

The world is sizzling with cinder and smoke by the time the towering, shrieking form disappears from the sky but it doesn't matter because Madoka is a bloody mess and no matter what Homura does she won't open her eyes. She wants to scream and claw the skin off her own face and feel the taste of copper in her mouth like she did the tea, but all she does is clench her teeth and turn the dial, promising next time will be better.

* * *

The night Sayaka turns into a witch, Kyoko invites her in for tea with a trembling grin and red-rimmed eyes.

Homura's not really affected by each magical girl's death anymore, because she's at the twenty-something-th retry and that means she's seen a lot of death. There's no certain number because she finds that she can't bring herself to care because there's a billion other things that she has to remember because she's learned that even the smallest things can be deadly _(not putting flour in Madoka's fridge can set off a whole chain of events that guarantees the bloodiest death possible for everyone, Yakuza supplies aren't enough so now she steals from the police too but she has to be there at a certain time of day to gain access) _and the only number that matters is that she's seen Madoka die twenty-something times and that's-

"It's jasmine," Kyoko says. Her tone is flat.

Homura takes it. It goes down like a lump and tastes like metal.

Maybe she would find it peculiar that Kyoko's form of friendship seems to always involve food, considering her backstory, but she's not really thinking of Kyoko even though she's on the list of 'People to save'. The list is one that is shrinking rather quickly. The word 'Civilians' was scribbled off what seems like ages ago and Mami was erased a short while ago, clearly beyond the point of saving. _(That's what she wants to think, but it was gone after Mami went paranoid which forced Madoka to kill Mami and have her sanity become threadbare and broken, which in turn made Madoka use the damned grief seed on _her_ soul gem instead of her own and then was shot by request while she withered on the ground in pain and __**why didn't she use it for herself just use it why why WHY WHY**_

_but that time she didn't ask for Homura to stop her from contracting because even perfect Madoka couldn't connect the dots and realize Homura could __**fix it **__and when she does Homura will still let out a sob as she wraps the trigger of the gun around her fingers because killing Madoka never gets easier, even when the pink-haired girl is practically begging for it)_

Kyoko blabbers on for a bit, leaving voids of silence at the ends of run-on sentences and sometimes adding extra words to take up time that doesn't need to be filled. But all Homura can see is the drifting smoke and hates it with all her heart.

* * *

Madoka is never a magical girl now, not until after Homura gets out of the hospital, and she can't decide whether that's good or bad.

She's constantly tailing Madoka because that fucking white-haired _thing_ is always pulling her into his tricks, trying to get her to make a contract and die for the world, apparently, but can't the stupid thing see that then all her efforts were for _nothing nothing nothing_ but as much as she wants to shoot the stupid thing in the face countless times she has better things to do

and some days she finds herself starting to hate Madoka, wondering why she's putting herself through all this pain why doesn't she just give up, put a bullet through her own head and be done with it why care about this person anyways, why not be selfish but then the next day she hates herself for even thinking that because Madoka gives her a wide smile and 'hello, Homura-chan!' that melts her heart makes her smash every mirror she sees because she hates herself _why would she ever hate Madoka why_

the sanity she barely has is going to break the moment Madoka isn't perfect anymore and she knows that, knows that this is some kind of twisted self-preservation act her emotions are playing on her maybe all the things she thinks about Madoka are lies but that's okay maybe not really

Kyoko asks her for tea at the same hotel room _(Homura finds that Kyoko and Sayaka never work together or try to get along, not until it's already too late) _and Homura wants to say no but she's so tired, so damn tired because the last time she slept was four days ago and her energy supply is pure caffeine by now.

She's going a bit delirious, she realizes when she gets a twang of empathy for Kyoko when she laughs at a stupid bird painting on the wall because for a second she actually _considered putting her back on the 'People to save' list_ and she almost reminded herself that _Kyoko mattered_ and no that's unacceptable there's only one person on that list now and that's Madoka, underlined in thick marker and tears and blood _no one else matters_ because everything else is a distraction and she's stopped playing hero a long time ago because she only has _**one goal only**_

Homura becoming scared, scared that the next time Kyoko clasps her hands together with her soul gem sandwiched between or flattened by a giant piece of cement or stabbed by a giant claw she'll start to care and take her mind off Madoka and her calm mask will start to crack so she lashes out at the teacup and throws it across the room. The tea inside splatters against the wall like the bloodstains she's seen so many times and she walks out of the room, a shocked Kyoko watching her all the way-

_(Kyoko's swept up and taken away by the wind on Walpurgis Night and Madoka still makes the contract while Homura digs her nails into her neck as she watches helplessly from under a pile of rubble)_

* * *

Homura distances herself from Madoka and Kyoko stops giving her tea

she's glad for both because that means she can be on the outside instead of in, and there's a lot more freedom to that

her hair's loose and glasses are off, every math problem flawless on the board but hating herself because no amount of correct math problems or bombs or missiles can stop Madoka from reaching her hand out to Kyubey and saying 'I wish...'

but she keeps trying because if she stops here she's going to die all of them are going to die it would've been all for nothing and that just seems like a waste, so much of a waste she wants to go curl up in the corner and cry just thinking about it

she can't remember the last time she's gotten a good night's sleep because her dreams are always chased by nightmares of Madoka and emotionless red eyes and where she's just a few steps away from preventing the inevitable only to have it slip away in front of her eyes

somewhere in between the haze of things _(she's stopped counting the number of times her hands have reached to the dial of her shield)_ she wonders why Kyoko has never given her food

always tea

never food

not that it matters when Madoka signs her soul away for a wish to save the world but it's nice to pretend to worry about mundane things even if it's just for milliseconds before it's swept away by the thoughts of Madoka

Homura closes her eyes and doesn't listen when Madoka starts to speak this time because she wants to spare herself the pain

_MadokaMadokaMadoka_

* * *

**epilouge.**

_A red-haired girl's ponytail bounces back and forth at an arcade._

_She turns after your mouth stops moving as you wait for her answer._

_She grins, and extends a hand. There is a box full of pocky._

_**"Want one?"**_


End file.
